This article is inspired by the responses to the Wes Feltner story on social media. The holy, godly, biblical part of me and the snarky part of me had a huge fight about this. But the snarky part won. Darn that girl.
I’m not trying to be mean or to shame Christian folks who parrot these responses all over social media. That’s not my motive, and I’ve got better things to do with my time. The first reason I lay this out for you, the reader, is because these responses are, themselves, abusive. I realize sometimes the one spewing this garbage isn’t trying to be abusive. They actually, sincerely, and passionately believe this stuff. Kind of like Saul (before he turned into Paul) sincerely believed that Christians were blasphemous rebels who needed to be shut down.
Nevertheless, Saul was mistaken, and so are these good (and some not-so-good) folks. Ergo, this article.
The second reason I write this is because these words cut victims to the core. I mean seriously, please consider—let’s say your child gets beat up by a 25-year-old man who happens to be the youth pastor of the church down the street. He accidentally “stumbled” into getting drunk one night, and your child was in the wrong place at the wrong time. So you ask your FB friends to pray for your child. Now let’s say you hear the responses below.
Yeah. Pretty reprehensible, right?
So the following is called SATIRE. If you don’t know what that is, Google it. The point of this particular piece is to take the sting out of the crappy things Christians say to victims. If you are a victim who has heard these things before when your perpetrator was defended by Christians, then my heart goes out to you, and I pray you will be able to see how the problem isn’t you. It’s these comments and the blindness of the hearts behind them.
Okay, without any further ado…
Here’s what to say on social media if you want to defend an idol who has just been accused of some type of abuse. I’ve included some special instructions on how to craft these correctly along with why they are effective. Always remember that the Christian community, in general, is extremely gullible and easily manipulated by certain holy, godly, biblical trigger words. Take advantage for best results!
- Everyone stumbles. Be careful about judging lest you stumble too. (Don’t forget the “lest.” It sounds very KJV and therefore God-like.)
- The Bible is about redemption. (Anytime you can throw out the words “Bible” and “Redemption” in the same sentence, you’ve got the other person on the wire. ON THE WIRE, I tell you. Nice work.)
- The last time I checked, it’s still innocent until proven guilty. (Be sure to include the “last time I checked” for extra credit cliche points.)
- If you are a Christian, you should. You never. You always. (Work this into the beginning of your rant, and the other person will have no choice but to buckle or admit they are a heathen.)
- The Bible is clear that… (Don’t think about the fact that there are thousands of different Christian denominations who all disagree on how clear everything actually is. Your definition and opinion is exactly what the Bible is clear on. In other words, the Bible has an uncanny way of being clear about how right you are. Must be a spiritual thing.)
- I stand by my pastor! (The one who is being accused of breaking the law. If you say it enough, maybe his actions will undo themselves. Like another spiritual thing. Anyway, it makes you sound confident and right, and most folks will think you actually are if you thrust your chest out enough and STAND BY YOUR PASTOR. Say it loud like that, too. It helps with your credibility.)
- You’re trying to ruin a man and his family! (Spread the guilt and shame frosting all over this cake, baby. Nobody wants to be the cause of someone’s ruin. Especially not the ruin of entire families that include innocent women and children. If you say this, the accusers will back off because they actually DO care about women and children.)
- An entire church will be destroyed because of your GOSSIP! (Be sure to shriek the word GOSSIP. It’s a trigger word that immediately shames the truth teller who is already nervous as it is. Capitalize on this. Plus, use capitals.)
- It isn’t godly to convict a man on social media! (If they are doing it somewhere else, just replace “social media” with wherever they are telling their story. Because all Christians know it isn’t godly to tell the truth about anyone ANYWHERE if that truth is bad or convicting.)
- We live in a free country! We can decide who we stand by! (This brings in an element of patriotism which will almost always play in your favor. Patriotism and Christianity are basically the same thing. And who can argue with the fact that we have free choice to do what we want? Besides. There’s always forgiveness. Which is the next one…)
- God forgave you, so why can’t you forgive this man? Everyone is guilty! (That’s right. Put everyone in the same pot: murderers, pedophiles, porn addicts, serial adulterers, wife and child beaters, chronic liars, frauds, people who swear, get mad at their kids, have a beer, wear too much makeup, and vote Democrat. They all get to be free to do whatever the hell they want to because. Forgiveness. Jeez, it’s so obvious.)
- Love your enemies and do good to those who persecute you! (If someone has molested you or someone you know, the Christian response is not to tell anyone about it. We can’t hold anyone accountable. That’s not loving or forgiving. No, we need to love them and do good to them by covering up their sin (love covers a multitude of sins, remember?) so they can keep sinning. The more they sin, the more forgiveness is in the world. Duh.)
- This is a spiritual attack of the EVIL ONE on our church! Our pastor must be doing something RIGHT to get attacked like this! (You can use this one in so many situations. Anytime anyone gives you feedback, just scream that the devil is attacking you. Nobody wants to be on the Devil’s side, so you’ll immediately put the other person on the defense. Plus this is actually biblical. People called Jesus the son of the devil, so you’re in good company.
I had a lot of fun with this one. Do you have any more? Leave them in the comments section, and I’ll add them to this post over time.
Oh – and the next time a Christian drops one of these clever little cliche’s in your feed, you don’t even have to respond. Just link them to this article with an emoji wink.
P.S. Actually, I decided to write a post with some possible polite (not snarky) responses you could use on social media when you hear these cliche’s. You can read those HERE.