Tom got a job offer! After a string of interviews with disappointing results, he finally made it through the entire process with a new company, and this time it ended with an offer. My whole body reacted with relief, celebration, joy, and thanksgiving. I looked out at the wildlife reserve that butted up to our backyard, and I praised God for this good news. We would be getting health insurance again. A regular paycheck. Stability and security.
But then I heard it. Melancholy mournfully whispering in my ear: “Don’t get too excited. The worst things always start like this. The most horrible things like people having car accidents and getting cancer and dying always start with something good happening where you think life is finally going your way, and then the Universe pulls the rug out from under you. “HA! I TRICKED YOU!” Mark my words. Prepare. Brace yourself. The other shoe is going to drop. This is the beginning of the end!”
And my balloon of joy deflated instantly. But even as I noticed all of this drama unfolding within me, I also noticed that I was noticing. Noticing that you’re noticing is a powerful thing. And when I did this powerful thing, I also recognized that we HAD been down this road a time or nine million. This was what my brain did. It was as if a part of me believed if I didn’t feel the happiness, I also wouldn’t have to feel the pain when life took a turn in the opposite direction.
But is that true? Can we always feel neutral and flatline? And do we really want to go through life feeling nothing? I don’t. I want to feel all the feelings. I decided to be all in, and that means the good and the bad.
I had to decide at that moment if Melancholy was going to drive my bus or if Big Natalie was going to drive. I gave the wheel to Big Natalie. Here’s what she said to Melancholy:
“Thank you for your concern. I get it. You think if we don’t get too excited, and we don’t go too high, then when life goes sour again, we won’t fall so far, and it won’t hurt so much. But that’s not true. When life goes sour (and it will because that’s the gig here on planet Earth), we will fall far, and we will feel all of that horrible pain. We will fall and we will feel whether we allow ourselves to enjoy this moment in time or not. So why not enjoy this moment? Right now we are alive in THIS slice of time. THIS IS OUR MOMENT. What do you want to do with this precious, glorious, happy moment full of hope and relief and possibility?”
And I decided I wanted to revel in it.
So I did.
XOXO
Natalie
P.S. Want to learn how to be present and radically accept what IS so you can let go of what you can’t change and completely transform what you CAN change? This is the work we do in Flying Free. Learn more HERE.
