Divorce Archives

I Don’t Want to Look Like a Bad Christian if I Leave My Abusive Marriage [Episode 175]

June 14, 2022

Abusers who leave a relationship are as rare as steak tartare.

In fact, waiting for an abuser to leave is similar to waiting for them to change.

Or asking for a hippopotamus for Christmas. Riding a unicorn. Losing weight on a cake-only diet.

Not likely.

If abusers are so unhappy with their victims, why don’t they leave first? Because staying fits within the point of abuse: to control you. And unless he’s discovered an excellent and easy alternative, you’re an endless supply for your emotional abuser’s selfishness.

On top of that, if you’re a Christian woman, he knows you take your vows seriously. He’s counting on you to stick it out, no matter what. He’s got “God” on his side.

Finally, when he mistreats you, like any sane person or hurt puppy, you react, and it ain’t pretty. You’re so ashamed of your behavior. He knows it. So instead of focusing on the harm he’s doing, you’re consumed by what a failure—a raging, bitter wretch of a person—you feel like. And you wonder: Am I the abuser?

You’re stuck between a boulder (an impossible, destructive marriage) and a hard place (your paralyzing beliefs).

What now?

How Will I Know When Enough Is Enough and I Can Walk Away? [Episode 158]

February 15, 2022

“He doesn’t even have to be kind. I just wish he wouldn’t make every waking moment a nightmare. What else can I do?” she said into the phone.

“I don’t know,” her sister said. “You’ve done counseling. And prayed. Asked pastors for help. Read books. Been quiet. Spoken up. Given more sex. You’ve borne the consequences of all his poor choices. You’ve pushed your health to the brink to serve him. For years.”

“But I haven’t fasted and prayed for a straight month,” she murmured.

“THIS IS INSANE. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS BEHAVIOR!” her sister exploded.

“Yes,” she said.

It finally clicked. And in that moment, she knew.

“I have to separate.”

It was her “enough” moment. And she never looked back.

What Are the Biblical Grounds for Divorce? (And Other Questions!) [Episode 156]

February 1, 2022

Are you confused over whether you have legitimate grounds for divorce?

How should you respond to people who claim you’re cynical and oversensitive when you try to speak against emotional and spiritual abuse?

What’s the best way to handle family members, especially children, who think you’re the bad guy in your abusive marriage?

What if you’re separated but you just aren’t ready to divorce…and the clock keeps ticking?

Limbo is a fun party game…and a lousy place to live. So let me offer some advice that will break you out of the ruts these difficult questions might have you stuck in.

A Teen’s Perspective on Divorce During the Holidays [Episode 150]

December 21, 2021

What’s it like to experience divorce as a kid?

You’ve heard from me. You’ve heard from experts. You’ve heard from survivors.

What about the young ones caught in the throes of things they don’t understand. The ones who only know that Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and life, will never be the same again.

Divorce through the eyes of a teen…my own daughter.

How to Achieve Financial Independence After Abuse [Episode 140]

October 12, 2021

Do you picture yourself and your children begging on the streets if you dare to leave?

Are you overwhelmed at the thought of making ends meet as a single mom?

Do you wonder how you’ll pay for groceries, much less legal fees, if you escape?

One of the biggest fears for women in abusive marriages is that they won’t survive financially.

And it’s a fear based on a lot of truth.

But it’s not the final say.

Hear from a woman who’s been there, done, and literally wrote a book on it. So don’t turn back.

How Do I Make an Exit Plan? [Episode 136]

September 14, 2021

Getting out of an abusive marriage can seem impossible. Especially when it comes to the money aspect. As in…where will you get it? How will you reenter (or start in) the work force? How are you going to add MORE to your already overflowing plate?

And those emotions. The big ones that feel like a thick sludge up to your hips or a pile of wet blankets on top of you or a deep, aching hollow in your chest. How do you deal with those?

Dear one, it’s not easy, but it is simple.

I’ve traveled this way before—alone and with others. So let me share my road map.

Tag: Divorce