Helping women of faith find hope and healing after emotional and spiritual abuse

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Episode 28 – The Benefits of Merciful Divorce

by | Jul 17, 2019 | Divorce, Getting Out, Survivor Stories, The Flying Free Podcast | 3 comments

You may have heard horror stories about what will happen to you if you’re a Christian and you get divorced. It’s true that divorce can be one of the worst experiences you can ever go through on this earth. I’ve even written all about the ten steps of getting out of the pit of abuse.

But there is a silver lining. And that’s what this episode is all about.

In this episode I visit with Jeni B., the Biz Maven herself, about life post-divorce. We brainstorm a bunch of awesome things we’ve experienced after divorcing an abuser. To prepare for this episode, I actually put out a Tweet on Twitter asking for other Christian divorcees to give their favorite divorce perks. Here’s what some of them said:

  • Realizing no one has yelled at or been angry at me for a year. When I wake up in the morning my feet touch the floor, not eggshells.
  • My sanity. Peace. Freedom. Ability to pursue trauma therapy & healing. Not needing to be hypervigilant. Viewing the future w/ hope. Feeling much better physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally. Positive impact on children. It has been like coming back from the dead for me.
  • Making my own decisions!! Being able to sleep without fear of being killed, no eggshell walking, peace, making financial decisions, eating whatever I want to!
  • Slowly realizing the only negative voice/mood/look comes from my cat and she’s easily soothed. Realizing people really do like me and I’m not an embarrassment or a social idiot.
  • Peace of mind. Freedom to do anything, decide as I would like. The literal feeling of having removed the most heavy of burdens off of my back. Not fearing when the next betrayal would come. Being ME, the ME before evil entered my life!
  • Making my own decisions. Without having to constantly contemplate what decision would make *him* happy, keep him happy & not upset him. (Eggshells) Always having to be on the alert.
  • Accomplishing things that he told me I was incapable of. Slowly losing his voice in my head second guessing everything I say and do.
  • It’s like putting down a heavy, heavy bag that you’ve carried for far too long. There is this lightness, when the fear thoughts come they have no place to stay because you can say I’m not responsible for that anymore. Incredibly freeing feeling.
  • Being able to sleep peacefully.
  • Freedom to be myself. To be away from the self doubt and subtle accusations.
  • No contact. Peace. Safety. Freedom to rebuild. Chance for children to heal. Normalcy.
  • Freedom to be who God created me to be.
  • Freedom. It’s been 3 years since my divorce and I have not been on one date, but I’m free to be me. A freedom I did not feel in my 20 plus year marriage.
  • I’m finding my true self again at the age of 50 after 33 years of entanglement with my narcissistic ex.

Join Jeni B. and me as we discuss merciful divorce perks after abuse.

TRANSCRIPT

Download today’s transcript: Episode 28 Transcript Download

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3 Comments

  1. Stephanie

    Yep, read that book years ago. I thought there was something wrong with me because I was somewhat shocked by her attitude in the book. She was almost a slave to her husband. I thought, I am not that. Am I truly not submissive enough, like my husband is always telling me? The book disturbed me and challenged me at the same time. But I certainly NEVER considered divorce!

    Reply
  2. Jodi

    This could have been me speaking! Everything from homeschooling, to financial abuse/control and feeling completely depleted from giving all of myself away but it was never enough. Thank you for validating my experience. My divorce after 25 years of marriage to a covert narcissist was finalized 2 months ago and I’m still reeling, but it helps to know that my experience isn’t unique.

    Reply
  3. Karen Moore

    Yes, yes, how I long for this! Complete peace .

    Reply

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