Divorce Archives

What if I Want a Divorce but My Abusive Husband Doesn’t? [Episode 190]

September 27, 2022

Surprise! Abusers never want the same thing as their victims. Why should divorce be any different?

Shocking! Abusers never want their “property” to start acting like a person and hightail it out of Dodge (“Dodge” being the marriage. Okay, you get it.)

Spoiler alert! You get to make your own decisions because you’re a grown woman. What? Yes, it’s true.

Divorce isn’t a magic toilet that flushes all your worries away. But it’s a wise, viable option for women who are being systematically destroyed by their closest relationship.

For women who want a divorce from their emotionally abusive husbands, this episode is a reminder of the core things they need to know.

Will Divorce Ruin My Kids and Their Opportunities in Life? [Episode 187]

September 6, 2022

For women escaping emotionally abusive husbands, divorce often feels like a scarlet “A” on their chest. Or “D.” They wonder if they’ll be marked for life.

And worse, they fear how their kids will suffer the consequences.

First, because they lived in a home of chaos and pain and trauma. Second, because they’ll have to face the assumptions and judgment of other people.

A “broken” family. A single-parent household. “Sinful” parents. Not “true” Christians. Bad influences. The sort of mom and kids other people whisper about.

Is this your fear? Your reality? Then I’ve got great news and lots of it.

I Don’t Want to Look Like a Bad Christian if I Leave My Abusive Marriage [Episode 175]

June 14, 2022

Abusers who leave a relationship are as rare as steak tartare.

In fact, waiting for an abuser to leave is similar to waiting for them to change.

Or asking for a hippopotamus for Christmas. Riding a unicorn. Losing weight on a cake-only diet.

Not likely.

If abusers are so unhappy with their victims, why don’t they leave first? Because staying fits within the point of abuse: to control you. And unless he’s discovered an excellent and easy alternative, you’re an endless supply for your emotional abuser’s selfishness.

On top of that, if you’re a Christian woman, he knows you take your vows seriously. He’s counting on you to stick it out, no matter what. He’s got “God” on his side.

Finally, when he mistreats you, like any sane person or hurt puppy, you react, and it ain’t pretty. You’re so ashamed of your behavior. He knows it. So instead of focusing on the harm he’s doing, you’re consumed by what a failure—a raging, bitter wretch of a person—you feel like. And you wonder: Am I the abuser?

You’re stuck between a boulder (an impossible, destructive marriage) and a hard place (your paralyzing beliefs).

What now?

Should Abused Christian Wives Stay and Suffer Like Job? [Episode 174]

June 7, 2022

Imagine two terminally ill children. Both are given three months to live. For one, there’s nothing doctors can do—death is certain. The disease is incurable and untreatable.

For the second, there’s a life-saving treatment available. If it isn’t taken, the next three months will be a slow, excruciating crawl toward the end. If the treatment is started as soon as possible, the child will live and—what’s more—thrive.

Family, friends, and church leaders of the second child gather around and declare that the life-saving treatment shouldn’t be accepted. Since the first child’s death is certain, it would be best for the second child to accept death as well. The second child should die. In fact, not only is it right to condemn the second child to death, but their suffering and pain will bring glory to God.

One more thing. The second child is YOUR child.

Thoughts?

I have some. So listen in.

Protect Yourself From Financial Abuse with Attorney Lisa Zeiderman [Episode 172]

May 24, 2022

The thought of contacting a lawyer made her sick. To live through her abusive marriage was hard enough. Would she have to bare all the details of her twisted reality to someone…and pay them for it? Where would she get the money for that, especially since her husband was hiding his paychecks?

Is your story anything like this?

I get the hesitation. The fear, the dread, and disgust. Bringing somebody else into your messy life is humiliating. But (and this is a really big but(t)), there are so many really important reasons to contact a lawyer when you’re in an abusive marriage. Because protecting yourself from financial abuse isn’t easy or simple, and it takes someone who knows what they’re doing.

Which leads us to questions. You have so many questions.

So I invited a lawyer who’s at the top of her game to answer the questions women just like you want (and need) answered.

Because this knowledge is worth its weight in gold. And your protection is worth even more than that.

How Will I Know When Enough Is Enough and I Can Walk Away? [Episode 158]

February 15, 2022

“He doesn’t even have to be kind. I just wish he wouldn’t make every waking moment a nightmare. What else can I do?” she said into the phone.

“I don’t know,” her sister said. “You’ve done counseling. And prayed. Asked pastors for help. Read books. Been quiet. Spoken up. Given more sex. You’ve borne the consequences of all his poor choices. You’ve pushed your health to the brink to serve him. For years.”

“But I haven’t fasted and prayed for a straight month,” she murmured.

“THIS IS INSANE. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS BEHAVIOR!” her sister exploded.

“Yes,” she said.

It finally clicked. And in that moment, she knew.

“I have to separate.”

It was her “enough” moment. And she never looked back.

Category: Divorce