One of my dear friends and a fellow member of Flying Free, Jeni Elliot, wrote the following:
“A word about “staying well”/”going well”…
You did not give up your rights to make choices the day you got married. Every day you continue to draw breath, God continues to give you free choice.
If you choose to stay, to deal with bitterness and abuse, to fight to see the goodness of God despite misery and brokenness that is yours at the hand of your abuser, to try to trust God in the midst of your suffering, to focus on gratitude and seeing the beautiful moments each day, to grow strong in your boundaries and find fulfillment and joy in Christ, to rest in God’s provision inside what has turned out to be a disappointing, counterfeit marriage…
(I was there for a decade, sisters)
God says, “I am with you.”
If you choose to go, to leave behind the bitterness and abuse, to gain space for healing in a quiet place away from the daily battle and to rest in God’s provision outside a counterfeit marriage, to seek peace, to give up the “security” of having another human responsible for your financial/practical provision and to step into something foreign and unknown but to HOPE daily in the One who ultimately gives all things…
(I am here now, sisters)
God says, “I am with you.”
I spent a decade poring through scriptures, praying for some clear sign, and when I was no longer able to endure the daily rejection, ridicule, shaming, verbal assault, blame, scare tactics, physical intimidation…all I could do was hope to God (fingers crossed! eyes shut!!) I wasn’t sinning, take my babies by the hand, and JUMP.
And He caught me.
I felt His hand for the first time. It was firm and solid. He looked at me and said, “I am with you. Always.”
God had been there the whole time, of course, but I was in too much brokenness and pain to see it before, and *certainly* to feel it. I was terrified God would leave me to my own devices, and I’d have to “fight it out” on my own because I “sinned” in divorcing my husband-in-name-only. The funny (delightful! surprising!) thing is, I never truly KNEW and FELT just how much God loved me and was with me until after I left!
I felt alone because I was being abused.
I felt *HIM* (even in loneliness sometimes) when I left.
Go vs. Stay is the hardest decision you’ll ever make, and I don’t pretend that my decision is always the best one for every woman. But it’s a decision that is YOURS every day.
God says, “I am with you.”
With a ring on your finger.
Without one.
God doesn’t love your marriage more than He loves you.
He loves His daughter.
He loves YOU.
You don’t have to stay to please God.
You don’t have to go to please Him.
He already adores you.
Make your choices, every day, in the freedom of knowing Grace has drawn a circle around you and said, “You’re in.”
God is with you always, to the end of the age.”
Wasn’t that incredible? I hope it blesses your socks off whether you are staying or leaving your emotionally/spiritually abusive relationship. Any voice that says differently is lying to you. You can safely ignore them.
The Comments
K
This is so very true! I have always felt him so near. I’m about to recommend your posts to two ladies going thru this!
Stacey Bartell
Hello Natalie
I was referred to your site by a friend.
Can I become a member of your Facebook group?
I look forward to hearing back from you.
Many blessings,
Stacey Bartell
Natalie Hoffman
→ Stacey BartellHi Stacey! Welcome! The Flying Free membership group is now closed, but it will open up again at the end of May. If you get on my mailing list, you’ll be informed of the next registration time.