How do we keep our kids from further harm and teach them to protect themselves when home, the very place they are supposed to be safest, is damaging to their bodies, minds, and souls? Dr. Debra Wingfield how to help children thrive, despite the challenges of an abusive home.
Exploring Results for "control"
When you’re in a spiritually abusive environment, you might worry that God will be displeased if you make a wrong move. Let’s dispel that myth.
When we lose control and get to the end of ourselves, we have the opportunity to experience peace. Here are three reasons this works.
How many times have abuse victims escaping their abusive relationships heard “Don’t be like the woman in the Bible who tears her house down!” Let’s find out what that verse is really saying. It might surprise you!
I have a confession.
I’m a recovering asshole.
Years ago, I had a friend. Her husband cheated on her. Then, he did it again. He kept cheating on her. He wasn’t sorry.
Do you know what I told her to do?
Stay with him. Pray and stay. Worse, I was proud to tell her this advice. Because I was God’s girl scout, and I knew best.
Now, I can easily imagine the grief and further pain my words and assumptions added to her heartbreak. I thought everything was black and white. A + B = C, every time. Life was a math problem, and I had the answer.
Boy, did I eat crow (and that’s just one example).
But in many ways, I’m no different than everybody else. And there IS an equation that applies to us all:
Our thoughts make our feelings. Our feelings make our beliefs. And our beliefs make us.
We become what we believe. We are like the god we worship.
What’s your god like? And what do you do when someone else’s god says you’re bad?
You’re not a toaster.
No matter what you’ve been taught by religious leaders, you’re not a thing to be used.
No matter what you’ve been told by your husband, you’re not an appliance to be owned.
No matter what you’ve come to believe about yourself, you’re not property — at the mercy of a spouse who wants toast on demand.
If you’ve found yourself tormented over how you’re treated in your marriage, especially when it comes to sex, and you waver between disgust and despairing “submission,” I have a new bottom line for you.
It’s four little letters, and it never justifies your mistreatment.
Some conservative Christians teach that God puts women in abusive marriages so they can better glorify Him through their suffering. What kind of a god requires the suffering of women and children in order to be glorified?
There is a predictable pattern of behavior your emotional and spiritual abuser will follow when you set healthy boundaries. When you know what to expect, you’ll be able to hold steady in the middle of the kickback.
He wants to treat me better. He just doesn’t know how.
He says he’s sorry. He really hates how he acts.
He’s struggling. He can’t help it.
Do you have these thoughts about your husband?
Have these thoughts led to anything good? More peace? Change (on his part)? Hope that lasts? A better marriage? A never-ending bucket of fried chicken?
Didn’t think so.
I have some other thoughts to offer. You can take them or leave them. They might seem cynical and hopeless on the surface. But I believe they’re the means to all the things you’re hoping for…except one.
This episode comes with not one but two guarantees:
Adults have 100% control over their behavior. And you have a 0% chance of making someone grow or change when they don’t want to.